Why Don't We Empathize? by Tim Joo

It was a regular Saturday morning, in the middle of the coronavirus pandemic. I sat down at my desk to open my computer, squinting as my eyes adjusted to the bright screen. As I waited for my morning emails to come through, I opened my weekly newsletter from a newspaper I subscribed to. Scrolling through the week’s stories, I saw headlines describing the violence in cities, as it summarized the deadly shootings that left protesters and supporters dead. Another article described an interview with the family of a victim of police violence, bringing to light the details of what happened and sharing their grief and pain with the rest of the nation. But the biggest headline and by far the most bizzare was an article on mask wearing. 

Curiously, I opened the article, and it described interviews with non-mask wearers and wearers alike out on the street. Those not wearing masks said that they thought it was a hoax, some said rising numbers meant rising testing levels, and some outright believed that masks just didn’t work. Interestingly enough, when asking those who did wear masks, it became a matter of public consideration, as some said they either lost a person they knew due to the virus, or wanted to because they believed it was the best way to protect themselves and others out of selfless respect and action. So what causes this difference of opinions between a random group of people who were interviewed? I believe that the answer is empathy, an emotion that many people around the country have been losing in past years. 

Empathy is the driving force behind almost all human emotion. We laugh because we can relate to a funny story, we cry and feel pity after a tragic event or when someone close passes away, and we connect with others experiences and emotions, building relationships and memories. At the center of it all, empathy is what makes humans human and different from other animals. But as recent events have played out, both social and political factors have been causing fundamental problems to be ignored and pent up in the minds of people.

On days where I look for some way to spend my time while being stuck in my house, I open media apps like Instagram, Youtube, and Facebook, the traditional brooding grounds for flame wars. On some days, I tap quickly through people’s stories, where I try to escape the onslaught of fact-checking the opposition, opinionated rants, and screenshots of “texting debates” that people feel they must absolutely share. I scroll past comments that tell me to “educate myself” on why we should defund the police, or the ordeals that women go through as a result of “toxic masculinity”, or how “staying neutral is the same as taking the side of the oppressor”. By the time I finally turn off my phone, I haven’t been “educated” but rather confused, scared, angry, and unhappy with the world I’m living in now. Even though the issues that people talk about are important, the larger meaning and message of the posts have been lost in a pile of useless repetition, hypocrisy, and the feeling that these issues were being shoved down my throat. 

Again, the reason for this is our lost empathy. Of course racial injustice, gender equality, and the state of politics right now are all very serious topics, but the one thing that people forget to do is sympathize. They fail to understand the opposite side’s reasoning, believing that the other side is morally wrong in their beliefs. We feel personally attacked when someone comments a simple phrase like “TRUMP 2020” or “My body, my choice”, starting an all-out flamewar using baseless facts and primitive vocabulary. If there’s one thing I’ve realized reading the comments of flame wars, it’s that when people argue, they respond by attacking a person’s views, never even bothering to ask why someone supports a cause or side. How can you possibly change a person’s mindset by constantly attacking their side and never understanding their reasons? It's a clear showing of how failing to understand others creates divisiveness and strengthens stereotypes of different people, to a point where views become permanently entrenched, making convincing arguments impossible. 

A few years ago, I was at a friends house to celebrate his birthday. After having dinner, opening presents, and playing video games, we finally settled down to play a game of Cards Against Humanity. It was the first time I had ever heard of such a game and was quite confused as to why someone would name a game like that. After a few rounds, I could see exactly how the name stuck. It was the ultimate combination of offensive jokes, famous figures, profane words, and the primitive minds of ten, sweaty, 14-year old boys. We were laughing at random phrases, snickering at each other’s ideas combinations, and celebrating after winning. We laughed until we were on the floor crying and our faces stretched from smiling but the cards kept coming. Later looking back on the game, I was surprised as to how ridiculously amusing the entire game was and how it was possible that we were even laughing at tragic events throughout history.

This was the beauty of dark humor, and it wouldn't be the only time it would come up. 

As I moved on throughout high school, I had noticed an uptick of serious words and phrases that have been used to describe unfortunate situations. One day, while walking from class to class with my friends, we engaged in a quick rant about the homework that a teacher was assigning us. We complained about everything saying “it’s so tedious”, to “it’s just pure memorization”, to “how is this even going to help us?”, until one of my friends summarized it in one of the best ways we could. “It’s so cancerous”, he said, and got a couple of chuckles from the others. The fact that we were using a deadly disease to describe our plight showed how we took no empathy at all towards the millions of people around the world currently suffering from it. But it’s not just the term “cancerous” that has been used as a punchline. There are also terms that are based off of ‘special education’, the AIDS epidemic, and mental disabilities. All these words come to highlight how these problems can be used in a demeaning and careless manner.

To think that people can make jokes  using dark humor and getting a laugh out of it nowadays is surprising to say the least. Whether it was a playful game that used satirical events to have fun, or using serious terms to joke about our current situations, it goes to show an increasingly insensitive and unempathetic society. Even more so as the experiences I described were about the younger generation, the ones who would become our great leaders, teachers, and problem solvers in the future. 

For American politics, the lack of empathy and understanding is becoming extremely worrying. Especially in today’s political climate, it has become more important than ever to try and understand each other’s views to compromise and deal with the harsh bipartisanship that has gripped our government. And yet, our best and brightest political leaders cannot lead the way. From President Trump’s name calling of political opponents, to Nancy Pelosi ripping her copy of the State of the Union in front of a live television audience, they are failing to set the example for the millions of Americans who look to them as the champions of democracy. Even further, they radicalize their supporters, garnering energy and support from their own side that only disunites them from opposing parties. When people say they don’t like politics, it’s not that they're apathetic, it’s that they are overwhelmed and quite frankly, unimpressed with the way things are handled. It has become a political structure that has become impossible to navigate through and convince others with.

Our notorious lack of empathy will cause consequences that we may never even fathom in the future. An entire social movement would be snuffed out at a moment’s notice, as it comes under attack from a group that simply doesn't agree with their views. A society will become ignorant of problems and shrug off in the tragic moments around them. A political generation will have been radicalized to a point where conflict is inevitable. Future political leaders will have a harder time compromising without learning the opposing views of other people. These are just my predictions of a future from the events happening around us now. Our nation is at its most vulnerable, being the most divisive it has been since the Civil War. Call me wrong, but the moment that problems supersede our actual problem solving, it will have marked the death of unity, agreement, and empathy for the last time.